They Can be Crappy Too

And not even a can of Coke Light can do something about them.

Well, there will always be the good and the bad. And all the cliches will come rushing in, complete with all the trimmings and a red bow to wrap it all up.

Seriously, the past few days have made up for all the drama I missed during the days when I was riding high on my happy pill. My after 5 pm dose of Grey's Anatomy did not help at all, except when Meredith finally made a stand about McDreamy calling her a whore. Woot woot for women's lib!

Oh, I am mad with my keyboards! I did miss blogging. I have been really tied up with stuff that I did not even get to do my usual rounds and I haven't really sat down to let my fingers do their work on these keys.

And all the toxicity is just making me so look forward to summer, my ultimate fave time of the year! Oh yeah, bring on the sun shine!

Crush-ing and Spring Cleaning

Totally not related except for the positive vibes. Yeap, I am Miss Optimism. Or I try to be one. It's probably the best cap I've put on other than my ever famous Faith and Hope cap. Oh, these two go together. Always. And if I strictly follow what St. Paul said in Corinth, I should be wearing the Love cap too on top of everything. However, I am not since that one is a permanent fixture in my system.

So what's with spring cleaning again? I'm being moved to a new floor in the office so I need boxes to pack all the stuff that has piled up during the last year. And boy, do I have a lot! So tomorrow I should be dressed for the part and not wear my corporate clothes if I am to bag all these stuff and move out of my present cube.

Crush-ing? It's another permanent fix, something which I am hoping will move into a different level and make it more permanent if there is something like that. Bottomline is, it's all good and I am just too happy to be crush-ing. Again.

2006 Survey

Better late than never! And yeap, I have time.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you've never done before?
Get away alone. The overnight trip to Cagayan de Oro. Be in a place I've only dreamed of.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions? And do you have one right now?
I don't make resolutions. I just take things as they come.

3. What would you like to have in 2007 that you did not have in 2006?
More money for travel. More time to travel. And yeap, that one.

4. What date in 2006 will remain etched in your memory?
Definitely September 5 to October 23. My own Enchanted Kingdom trip complete with the horror house and the scary rides.

5. What was your biggest achievement last year?
Letting go of so many things that have kept me from being free. And Cebu thing.

6. What was your biggest failure?
Cebu thing. It's a mix of both. I'm still trying to find the balance into this.

7. What was the best thing you bought?
South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. Life-changing read.

8. Where did most of your money go?
Travel. Coffee. Books.

9. What did you really, really get excited about?
Going and being in one of my dream destinations.

10.What song will always remind you of 2006?
Dave Matthews' Say Goodbye and #41.

11.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
Changing/evolving and still be accepted.

12.What kept you sane?
Coffee and Bailey's! Hahaha! My seatmates, definitely! My crazy, bautiful family.

13.Who did you miss the most?
My tita in Germany who died in 2005.

14.What valuable lesson life lesson you learned in 2006?
Regardless of how people will look at you or what they say about you, at the end of the day, what matters most is what's between you and Him.

Cheers!

2006 has been a really good year. It may seem that I've had so many down moments, but looking deeper, they have done me a lot of good. At the start of 2006, I resolved to travel light. The experience of unloading myself have been painful, at times seemingly unbearable. There were days when I doubted myself and my faith that things will be okei.

But time has taught me to trust my faith. Time has taught me to be patient. Time has taught me to let of things past. Time has taught me to free myself of ties that keep me from being and moving as one with the wind.

2006 was a liberating, exhilerating experience. I discovered more about myself and the world.

And I am starting 2007 on a high note. It will be good.

Cheers!

I Still Need to Get Used to This

While I soak under Madonna's music, I find myself in a comfy place where everything is steady, surprisingly. I am just letting it all in from all directions, hitting me with touches at the right places, touches that can either break my spirit or get me on high.

Patience has its rewards and I am reaping the fruits. It is time.

Girl Talkers

Starbucks 6750. Judith. Zoe. Emmyrose. Jey. We are still girl-talking after all these years.

The Flgiht

I don't get to capture moments such as this as often as I want to. But when I do, I make sure that colors will be dancing before my eyes. As they say, timing is everything. And I am taking my sweet time. No rush. Just the here and the now. So zen.

So me.

And finally there is that liberating and humbling feeling of being able to fly. And flying light I am. It's one truth I am holding now. No fear. No holding back. Just the exhilirating feeling of being one with the sky, of moving in harmony with the bright lights, crossing borders, breaking barriers.

It feels so good now.

And I am at peace.

Follow Up

To make my life as a P.I. interesting, I'd be needing a shot or two of Bailey's to make the conversations more lively and soulful, and the laughter more intense. Plus, I'd be needing lots of load credits to keep my thumbs busy while my eyes search for evidence. Lastly, I'd be in dire need of Starbucks Peppermint Mocha to boost my energies. Haha!

Seriously, I'm taking this lightly only because I'm having so much fun. And I loooooove adrenaline rushes, and all the drama that goes with it.

If I'll end up in CSI, I will definitely let you know.

=)

I have a new job.

Private I.

Really, This is How I Do It

I reread my entries and realized that I did not even say a word about me moving into this cool place overlooking Ortigas. The view from my bedroom window is charming. Yeap, I'm technically a stone's throw away from the office, giving me an extra hour to stay in bed and more reasons to stay out late. Teehee. =)

And maybe, just maybe, I am getting back in shape, literally and figuratively. I rant. I rave. Nothing new. I just added a little spice to the routine, something to perk me up and keep me from sliding back - cutting papers into tiny pieces when I can just use a shredder. This method is way better because it has healing effects at no cost. I just keep in mind that every paper I cut is equivalent to the things that have been pulling me down. After spending half of my day "spring cleaning," I felt better.

And food tripping is a pre-requisite of "spring cleaning."

Unadulterated fun to the hilt.

...

Why did I feel like the world just crashed and burned me for a day and washed away the scars with the pouring rain?

Forty-nine days. It all came crumbling down right at my doorstep last Thursday, tears falling freely and heavily. My spirit sank, my body just fell apart. It would have been better if I was just left out in the cold.

But a lioness never gives up. And the sign says it all.

When all has been said and done, one's true worth can be seen when he starts picking up the pieces and carrying on the battle.

And so I dust myself and carry on the journey.

Tagged by Larry

1. How often do you blog?
>Not as often as I want to, but I try to write down a few when I can and when the mood is right.

2. Online alias:
>It's just jey-aiy. =)

3. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
>Yeap, benefit of the doubt. In the end, I regret that day I stood up for her against her boss.

4. What do you often do when you are bored?
>Three things: TV, bed or books. Often it's a combo of two - tv and bed or books and bed.

5. When bathing, which do you often wash first?
>Uhm, my hair.

6. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
>Nope. Even as an intern, the most that I've been up was 36 hours max.

7. What colors look best on you?
>I go for bright colors, lots of pinks, reds and oranges. This is regardless if I look good wearing them.

8. What's your favaorite alcoholic drink?
>Hands down, Bailey's. Lately, I tried Heineken. I still have to develop my liking for the green bottle.

9. Do you really believe in heaven and in hell as a real place that each of us will go to after death?
>Yes if only to start somewhere after our life on earth ends.

10. Do you find that you have more online friends than offline?
>Pretty even. But I've grown closer to my online friends.

11. What was your favorite subject in school?
>Seriously, I have always liked Chemistry.

12. Are you a perfectionist?
>Does an OC count as a perfectionist?

13. Do you spend more than you can afford?
>Uhhm, ehrrr, next question please.

14. Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before?
>The experience, the drama is all worth it.,

15. Do you consider yourself creative?
>I'd like to think so.

16. Do you give yourself the credit you deserve?
>It's a case to case basis, but most of the time no.

17. Do you donate time or money to charities?
>I try to give more of my time rather than material things.

18. Have you recently done something that you've criticized others for doing?
>Heck, yeah.

19. What's on your mind right now?
>Cebu stuff, mostly work. Food because I'm getting hungry.

20. Say one nice thing about the person who tagged you and the five other people that you are going to tag:

Larry is my teacher in patience, one of the people I run to for sanity checks.

Lyn. When I need a dose of hard core truths, I run to her.

Toni. Full of positive vibes.

Shirrie. One of the few bright spots in Cebu.

{illyria}. She often leaves me speechless.

Tani. She amazes me.

All is Flat and Red

Smooth. Silky. Feverish.

And I need a trip to the rough seas and a dose of cold water to wake me up from this endless dream. Almost but not quite. I am taking nothing with me, just this piece I call soul, bared to the bones and scarred to the core. Seems like I just hit jackpot with my combination. Instant millionaire I should be. But I know better.

This is not perpetual. A regular one night stand gone heavy and sweet, whipped cream topped with cherry. Perfect. Too good to be true. And I am loving it.

After all, I am the here and the now. That's all there is. No shape. No color. No scent. No sound. Just presence.

A treat to the soul that has found its way home.

Coming to a Close

I have long waited for the return flight home. It all seems surreal. But I am glad I can finally walk away from all these, with my head unbowed, my heart unfazed, my spirit unrelenting.

And with me learning more about myself and about truths that will never fade away.

I learned to get by and live each day through constant communication with the people I hold dear, my family and my friends. They have never let me down when I'm almost on the brink of losing it. Instant cheerleaders. Sanity check. Loads of love and respect. I've been burning phone lines just to hear a familiar voice, someone I can connect with, someone who knows the real me. And every time I end a call, I am renewed.

I learned to keep it cool even when things are smoking hot. They say patience is a virtue, and I have always been known as one who runs low on patience. Looking back, I have never seen myself so composed, and my tongue in check. There were times when I was often left without much choice but to answer back. I did not. I still believe in diplomacy and killing people in kindness. Recently though, I gave a mouthful. Yeah, I still know when and where to draw the line. After all, I am no saint.

I learned to not forget that where I am is not permament, a passing thrill of an even bigger, more exciting picture. This has just prepped me up for the greater adventure waiting to unfold. But I have not forgotten that whether permanent or not, every waking moment is an enriching experience. The good, the bad, and the in between are what nourishes the soul.

I learned to hold on tightly to my faith. It anchors me to a steady state, keeping me grounded and humbled.

And as my curtain closes on this stage, I can only heave a sigh of relief, whisper a prayer of gratitude, and probably, shed tears of joy.

I am coming home.

My Sky

Photo taken around 5:55 am at the CAP Complex in Cebu.

Survival

It is humbling for me to be taken away from my comfort zone and be put in a situation where the odds are 5 to 1. The whole experience often brings me to tears, and sometimes, they just fall freely out ouf sheer exhaustion. Sometimes, in amazement of the road that I have travelled so far.

In every uncertain moment, I find my balance in the people I love.

In every fall, I hold on to my faith.

In every tear, I wipe with memories of happy moments.

One

Weekends have been my source of liberation and cheap thrills, a gift to myself for all that comes in between the crack of dawn and the moonlit nights. I was asked whether I'm burned out or I'm enjyoing every minute of it. It's a little of both.

It has not been a walk in the park for me, and I count each day that I have braved through the battlefield as a blessing.

And today, I mark my first month on hostile grounds.

In Awe

For the second time, I found myself at a loss for words simply because words are not enough to describe the Kawasan Falls experience.

I saw nature at its finest - lush greens, crystal clear water, fresh air.

And being one with nature more than took my breath away.

As I sat on the raft and stared at the gushing waters, I felt peace.

Everything will be alright.

Finding Stroke

The soft grass crushes beneath
The feet that floats
The path leads to home
Where the sky and earth meets
And where the only sound
Is my heartbeat.

Temporary Arrangement

I have become a different person in just three weeks. This I realized while my feet are soaked in the crystal clear waters of Bantayan.

Here, it's all work. Here, I have to put up a face that will not back down regardless of whatever has been thrown my way. It's part of the package.

What's important is knowing that this is not permanent, a temporary set up, and at the end of the day, I still know who I am.

Tall order. But being here gave me good grasp of myself, of who I have become. It may have been a mixture of laughter and tears, not exactly of the same proportions, but I learn from every crack and from every drop. I wake up at dawn with things clearer now, and with more determination than ever.

This may be a test for me, and to get a passing mark, I have to be that person for the time being.