i know it's been awhile. distractions have been more constant than before.
and the distractions have done more than what they were supposed to do, in a good way, that is. the distractions have shown me that life indeed is a beautiful struggle, and that is how i sum up what my year has been.
more than that, the beautiful struggle has made me love who i am now. it has been comforting to know that i have conquered some of the monsters in my head, and that i have finally admitted some truths which i have long forgotten or have consciously chosen to forget. it was a difficult process, and i was thankful i went through it.
the safe mode that i have put myself into during the last few months have rocked my reality. it was an unconscious effort to be safe, probably because i feared the risks or the pains. but it did me good. i needed to recuperate, to rethink, and to finally realize that i am not cut to be safe. i have always thrived on risks, i have always known that. and i would probably be taking more risks now that i know how it feels like to be safe.
and the beautiful struggle have brought along blessings which i feel i don't even deserve, but i am still and will forever be thankful for them. these blessings have enriched my life in a way that i have learned to look at things differently and more positively.
and yes, i am cutting a few strings, tying some loose ends, knotting a few ones, and starting a new line. i know what i can live without, and what i can give to live with a few compromises. i'm kinda getting my way around this because it's all new to me.
it's time that the sun finally shines on me every single day.
