moving out, moving in

i'm in a new place where i can finally call home here in manila. it's not much, but i'm living with people whom i can trust and whom i can rely on all the time.

the move out was inevitable. i just knew that i had to be in a place where i can freely move.

yes, i am home now.

day 3

i was right. the fact that i am still standing at the end of the day is reason enough to celebrate.

i was hugged. it was more than the big, warm hug i asked for actually. and it made me feel a whole lot better.

the day is just starting and there are still more grounds to cover. but last night, i found myself hopeful and vibrating with positivity all over again.

wanted: big, warm hug

for two days straight, i have been walking with a million thoughts running thru my head and feeling like my heart is about to burst. to say that it is overwhelming is an understatement. i would want to take control of every little detail that is happening, but it seems like everything is happening all at once and i don't have any control of anything whatsoever.

i know i just need to get hold of myself, step back and take a deep breath.

i also have to remind myself that the fact that i'm standing at the end of the day is reason enough to celebrate.

but honestly, what i need right now is big, warm hug to assure me that everything is going to be alright.

....

there is peace in recognizing and accepting that i have my limitations, that my choices are not what most people would have made, and that the risks involved with my choices would probably lead me to the dumps. it is liberating to be able to reconcile my choices with reality. sure, it does hurt sometimes, and the irony of it is that when all these - risks, reality and pain - are put together, there is beauty.

i am growing and i know i still need to grow. but my growth now is all about the choices i make, and make a life out of these choices.