Green and Blue

I've said time and again that I love mornings. And today, despite being out so late, I found myself pumped up and ready to start my day.

I'm still wearing that no expectations sign. It's slow, but the pace has allowed me to rethink my position. I need to gain more confidence, though. It's uncharacteristic of me to fall silent when deep within, I wanted to say something. Lack of practice? Probably.

Or not.

In the meantime, I'll be swimming in a sea of green and blue. It's summer. My season. My time. My space.

27 Feb

I woke up this morning with this force pulling me towards my happy place. I've made up my mind last night that I have to put an end to this addiction. I know where this would lead me in the end. And I'm no rock star that has the machinery to cover up the mess I'd be leaving behind.

But this force was so strong, and my morning state was not yet equipped to battle with such great strength. I gave in. Too easily, in fact.

And I'm glad I did.

It was worth the trip even if I wasn't totally dressed up for it. But the silly grin on my face more than compensates for my lack in glam and sass. And that silly grin is more than happy to find its way back in my morning routine.

No expectations now. I'm just letting it all flow in.

mornings were broken

i don't quite know how to put into words this strange feeling of missing when you have never been in the first place. a broadsheet horoscope started this roll, and somehow, it goes on and on. it's so addictive. it's intoxicating that i can't seem to push that stop button.

and when fate and faith came into play, i'm left speechless and out of breath.

6 days is a long time, you know, especially for someone who does not know how and when to start counting the days of this strangeness. where all senses went, i don't know. this, i don't have a name for. all i know is that mornings are no longer splashed with silly grins and stolen looks. they've become bare, cold and empty. just like the weather outside that happy place.

i miss my mornings. i miss that silly grin. i miss the loud voice that sings lifehouse's classics. i miss those eyes that sneak a look on that silly grin.

please give me back my mornings.

soon.

Dakal a Salamat!

I find myself on the last day of the year in gratitude mode ;)

Thank you...

...to friends, both old and new, who've stuck it out with me through thick and thin.
...to adventures that had me discovering and experiencing new things.
...to photographers and photographs which have inspired me to capture and treasure every moment.
...to the people I work with, the people I work for, who have taught me the value of patience and discipline; who have laughed out loud with me to ease our stress away; who have given me more than what i deserve.
...to my family who has been my constant pillar of strength.
...to opportunities to learn, to grow, to become better.
...to the many blessings I have received.

It has been a wonderful year and here's looking forward to a better and brighter 2008!

Happy New Year!

Revived

I feel revived. Literally.

It has been a pretty wild run, and I did not see the big gap taking over like rain clouds on a sunny day. Unexpected, it is. But I always say that I take whatever is served on my plate.

I have learned to expect nothing and just take things as they come. To take it slow and to stop and smell the flowers.

And it has done me good.

So good that I can still taste the chocolate cake on my lips.

Let's Be Santa

I've been doing this since 2004, and I want to keep the tradition alive simply because it's that time of year to bring cheers to friends and strangers alike.

Here's the deal:

Post your TEN MOST WANTED FOR THE HOLIDAYS in your blog. It can be anything, as in ANYTHING under the sun.

Blog hop to see who has posted their list of ten.

The most important part of this is you can be SANTA! Yes, in your own little way you can be one. If you see a wish you can grant, and you know that granting that wish would make that person happy, GO!

You can spend money or not. The bottomline is you can make their wish come true!

There are no rules here, no strings attached. Just lots of joy in giving.

And please don't forget to leave your contact details for anyone who is interested to grant your wish. I'm here!

And my TEN MOST WANTED FOR THE HOLIDAYS:

1. Starbucks coffee with me. Stickers or no stickers, conversations are always good when shared with a cup of coffee.

2. Goya chocolates! I'm so addicted, I can eat 4 in one seating! Haha! I better watch my blood sugar level, though. Hahaha!

3. A snap of me in an interesting state/pose/face. I'll have it framed. Promise!

4. Tour of Binondo with all the siomai we can eat! I love siomai!

5. Anything Grey's! Love, love the series.

6. Manila Bay sunset. It's been awhile =(

7. Spongebob pjs. Comfy!

8. Anything orange. Loud and proud it is.

9. Volunteer with me. Donate blood. Let's do something that will make another heart beat, give another birthday...

10. Griffin and Sabine Trilogy. So love!

And above all, let's spread peace and love!

Happy Christmas!

Sapce is a Terrible Thing to Waste

All the explanations I have will not justify why I have neglected this nest, some of which are even silly at this point.

But that's not what matters now, right? I'm here typing my cares away. Again.

I will not go for those generic statements of how life sucks and how life is beautiful because yeap, they're ironies that exist, whether we recognize them or not. Let's just say that life has been a steady stream of the the good, the bad, the in between. But mostly, the water that flows along the path nourishes whatever weak bone I have.

And I am not going to complain. It's how things are. It's how they have become. And frankly, I could not ask for more.

Rated Jey

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Seriously!

It did hurt everywhere. Tears fell. And there was only silence.

But I refuse to succumb to the pain totally. I am alive, and I choose to live life the way I know how - with faith, hope and love. I refuse to let the cynic in me see the beauty that lies trapped among the ashes. It's not me.

And as Meredith said, the fact that we're standing at the end of the day is already reason enough to celebrate.

So seriously, I am still blessed.

While It Still Is

I should be at a loss right now. I should be putting that panic button and pounding on heaven's door to rescue me. I should be running away, far away from this place where I am.

But I am not doing any of these. Surprisingly.

I am still in a steady state.

Or I am in a state of denial.

But while it is still good, I am taking what I can get. And when that time comes I do need to hit that button, I pray that someone will be there to come running after me.

And so....

The silence simply means that I have been really busy to sit and type away my thoughts. It's a range between chaos and pure bliss. Sometimes I just stop and stare at some thing but my mind is flying to that never after. And in my stopping and staring, I had to keep myself from laughing at the promises made when all were green and blue. If we really look into it, the shades have become a little pale. But definitely not gray.

And so the cynic in me was caught off guard. Not a lovely sight I'd say. But then, aren't we entitled to certain bad days? The weather at times would even agree with me. And on certain days when all is good, I take my shoes off and dance to Madonna's Borderline. Now, this is a definite must see.

But when all has turned in and the lights run low, I go back to that never after and wish that one day, when my hair has turned to gray, I'd still be walking down the street with my hand being held.

They Can be Crappy Too

And not even a can of Coke Light can do something about them.

Well, there will always be the good and the bad. And all the cliches will come rushing in, complete with all the trimmings and a red bow to wrap it all up.

Seriously, the past few days have made up for all the drama I missed during the days when I was riding high on my happy pill. My after 5 pm dose of Grey's Anatomy did not help at all, except when Meredith finally made a stand about McDreamy calling her a whore. Woot woot for women's lib!

Oh, I am mad with my keyboards! I did miss blogging. I have been really tied up with stuff that I did not even get to do my usual rounds and I haven't really sat down to let my fingers do their work on these keys.

And all the toxicity is just making me so look forward to summer, my ultimate fave time of the year! Oh yeah, bring on the sun shine!

Crush-ing and Spring Cleaning

Totally not related except for the positive vibes. Yeap, I am Miss Optimism. Or I try to be one. It's probably the best cap I've put on other than my ever famous Faith and Hope cap. Oh, these two go together. Always. And if I strictly follow what St. Paul said in Corinth, I should be wearing the Love cap too on top of everything. However, I am not since that one is a permanent fixture in my system.

So what's with spring cleaning again? I'm being moved to a new floor in the office so I need boxes to pack all the stuff that has piled up during the last year. And boy, do I have a lot! So tomorrow I should be dressed for the part and not wear my corporate clothes if I am to bag all these stuff and move out of my present cube.

Crush-ing? It's another permanent fix, something which I am hoping will move into a different level and make it more permanent if there is something like that. Bottomline is, it's all good and I am just too happy to be crush-ing. Again.

2006 Survey

Better late than never! And yeap, I have time.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you've never done before?
Get away alone. The overnight trip to Cagayan de Oro. Be in a place I've only dreamed of.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions? And do you have one right now?
I don't make resolutions. I just take things as they come.

3. What would you like to have in 2007 that you did not have in 2006?
More money for travel. More time to travel. And yeap, that one.

4. What date in 2006 will remain etched in your memory?
Definitely September 5 to October 23. My own Enchanted Kingdom trip complete with the horror house and the scary rides.

5. What was your biggest achievement last year?
Letting go of so many things that have kept me from being free. And Cebu thing.

6. What was your biggest failure?
Cebu thing. It's a mix of both. I'm still trying to find the balance into this.

7. What was the best thing you bought?
South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami. Life-changing read.

8. Where did most of your money go?
Travel. Coffee. Books.

9. What did you really, really get excited about?
Going and being in one of my dream destinations.

10.What song will always remind you of 2006?
Dave Matthews' Say Goodbye and #41.

11.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying?
Changing/evolving and still be accepted.

12.What kept you sane?
Coffee and Bailey's! Hahaha! My seatmates, definitely! My crazy, bautiful family.

13.Who did you miss the most?
My tita in Germany who died in 2005.

14.What valuable lesson life lesson you learned in 2006?
Regardless of how people will look at you or what they say about you, at the end of the day, what matters most is what's between you and Him.

Cheers!

2006 has been a really good year. It may seem that I've had so many down moments, but looking deeper, they have done me a lot of good. At the start of 2006, I resolved to travel light. The experience of unloading myself have been painful, at times seemingly unbearable. There were days when I doubted myself and my faith that things will be okei.

But time has taught me to trust my faith. Time has taught me to be patient. Time has taught me to let of things past. Time has taught me to free myself of ties that keep me from being and moving as one with the wind.

2006 was a liberating, exhilerating experience. I discovered more about myself and the world.

And I am starting 2007 on a high note. It will be good.

Cheers!

I Still Need to Get Used to This

While I soak under Madonna's music, I find myself in a comfy place where everything is steady, surprisingly. I am just letting it all in from all directions, hitting me with touches at the right places, touches that can either break my spirit or get me on high.

Patience has its rewards and I am reaping the fruits. It is time.

Girl Talkers

Starbucks 6750. Judith. Zoe. Emmyrose. Jey. We are still girl-talking after all these years.

The Flgiht

I don't get to capture moments such as this as often as I want to. But when I do, I make sure that colors will be dancing before my eyes. As they say, timing is everything. And I am taking my sweet time. No rush. Just the here and the now. So zen.

So me.

And finally there is that liberating and humbling feeling of being able to fly. And flying light I am. It's one truth I am holding now. No fear. No holding back. Just the exhilirating feeling of being one with the sky, of moving in harmony with the bright lights, crossing borders, breaking barriers.

It feels so good now.

And I am at peace.

Follow Up

To make my life as a P.I. interesting, I'd be needing a shot or two of Bailey's to make the conversations more lively and soulful, and the laughter more intense. Plus, I'd be needing lots of load credits to keep my thumbs busy while my eyes search for evidence. Lastly, I'd be in dire need of Starbucks Peppermint Mocha to boost my energies. Haha!

Seriously, I'm taking this lightly only because I'm having so much fun. And I loooooove adrenaline rushes, and all the drama that goes with it.

If I'll end up in CSI, I will definitely let you know.

=)

I have a new job.

Private I.